Uzu in Ammeland

Uzu in Ammeland
(Who’s who in Ham land)

I first saw this published around thirty years ago and it probably needs a little explanation nowadays.  There were no ‘M’ callsigns, no ‘2E’ callsigns and UK radio amateurs consisted of G2s, G3s, G4s and G8s.  G2s, G3s and G4s were class A callsigns where the holders had sat the Morse test and G8s were class B callsigns where there was no Morse but operations were limited to VHF and above.  There was always light-hearted banter between the callsign classes but it was always in good humour and this demonstrates that.

Anyway, onto the subject of this blog post.

Uzu in Ammeland should be read out loud for maximum effect.  You might need to read some parts a few times to understand what it means and remember that this is over thirty years old so it’s a little dated but I still think it’s very funny.


AMMES : Fearsome inhabitants of Ammeland.

THE JAITS : Mysterious primitive tribe from the Dark Zone. Serfs of the Klarsays.

THE KLARSAYS : A dominant body of advanced beings, considered intellectually superior to the Jaits.

RIPITA : God of the Jaits.

LORJIK : The all-seeing mind of Ripita.

JEETUS AND JEETHRIS : Elders of the tribe of Klarsays.

JEEFAWS : Young, newly-blooded warriors of the Klarsay tribe.

MAWSE : Supreme God of the Klarsays.

KUSOS : Conversations, futile and unintelligible to aliens, between individual Ammes. Jaits speak in Phoney, Klarsays either in Phoney or in the monotonous tongue of their God, Mawse. Kusos consist largely of technicalities interspersed with phrases such as “Yertherejim”, “Seeyerfurderdowndelog” and “Krystitsblonup”.

EFFEM, AYEM AND ESESBEE : Amme dialects of the language Phoney.

KAY : Erotic slavegirl of the God Ripita. Often violated by Jammas.

O’MOFFIS : Celtic patron saint of all Ammes.

JAMMAS : An alien group of single-cell creatures intent on bringing about the downfall of Ripita. Largely ignored by O’Moffis, but despised and hunted by Jaits and Klarsays alike.

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